And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Randomize
