Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize
