I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
