I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
