You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
