he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
