sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Randomize
