and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize
