I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
