I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
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