i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
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