i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
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