I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
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