One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Randomize
