I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Randomize
