Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
