your parents love me but you hate me
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
