I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I need water and some morals
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
