I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
Randomize
