I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
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