A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
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