cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
