"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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