i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize
