I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Randomize
