You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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