Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
don't judge my taste in strippers
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Randomize
