sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
