so that wasnt chicken after all
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Randomize
