This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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