I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Threesome in a minivan. New low
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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