My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
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