U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
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