They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
Randomize
