We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
Randomize
