If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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