Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Randomize
