I'm pants shitting drunk right now
now i know why i became what i already was.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize
