You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Randomize
