oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Randomize
