i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
Randomize
