i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
Someone shit on the floor
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Randomize
