I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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