He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
