he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
