Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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