So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
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