then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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