My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Randomize
