It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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