It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
