So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
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