Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Randomize
