also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
