I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
Randomize
